Some Days Are Just HARD

There isn't any apparent reason for it, yet the day is just hard.

All I want to do is say FUCK IT, a 1000 times.

It is frustrating to want to have a successful income that feels aligned and magnetic, and to not have it.

I have been facing yet another round of money mindset. It seems to be a never-ending cycle. I walked away from a corporate paycheck with great benefits 2.5 years ago.

What do I have to show for it?

A dwindling retirement account. A failed coaching website, a blog with very little readership, and a business that is more in the friendzone than I care to admit to.

What else do I have to show for it?

Time freedom. Healing and transformational work at an intense level. Travel experiences that are actually soul retrieval and spiritual homecomings.

and...it's lonely.

I get to face myself in the mirror every day. I get to sit with my own story of self-doubt and see that no one is there holding me, dusting me off, telling me that everything is going to be ok. {Pain}

Nope. I get to do all that for myself, day in and day out.

So... I rage some days. I have to move the energy. It has to get out somehow. I mostly take it out on my paper with a pen or striking the letters on the keyboard with intensity.

I write.

Writing is a means to transmute the energy. To release it. To make it manifest into something tangible. It becomes words and scribbles. An expression that is given a space to exist.

I am at a point where I said if I drop below a certain value in my retirement account it is time to get a job. This business thing is obviously not paying for itself, so I am now facing the idea of losing my time freedom and going back to work.

Maybe I was just kidding myself thinking I could be a soulpreneur?!?!

I thought I was doing all the right things. Surrendering to divine will, doing the healing work, becoming aware of the ugly parts and releasing what came up, clearing, activating, trusting. Can't I just catch a break?

Maybe where I have been failing is believing. I am actually having a hard day believing that I can do this on my own. Business is hard and I don't want to live a hard life. I already have had hard lessons, hard experiences, hard relationships, career not panning out, etc. Life is fucking hard some days.

Now what?

Go back to the drawing board and sit with the silence, listen to the heart.

What is it telling me right now in this moment?

To be patient. It is reminding me that we all have days that are dips and challenging. Process and release the feelings. Rest. Nourish myself as this is the time to be the most loving and compassionate towards myself. {Pleasure}

To remember that I process not only my own energies, but energies of the collective too. I am processing something bigger than just my own little temper tantrum and to allow the space for it to move through.

This isn't the mental place to make big decisions from. Let it flow. Go for a walk. Take a bath. Be a best friend. Find a way to play.

What I feel is an indicator or what is happening or about to happen from the shifts that are affecting each and every one of us. We are in a time where nothing is normal. Nothing feels comfortable. Everything is moving and changing.

The foundation we once had has now crumbled and we are faced with building a new one out of something more stable.

Certainty in a world that is full of uncertainty.

What will you do when the hard days smack you upside the head?

What do you build on? What do you create with?

How do you get back to your center?

How do you come back to a place of inner peace?

Inner certainty comes from a place of inner peace, inner safety, inner love, inner belief.

It is our challenge to come back to this state time and time again to lay the foundation in place and build what will last over the long term. It takes commitment, endurance and resiliency.

Welcome to the new world.

If you are here, then you have found a trusted partner. I believe in the beauty that exists in all experiences.

If you are feeling and facing similar things as you make a life transition, know that you are not alone. The lonely days are hard, but there are others who have gone before you and understand exactly what you are going through.

I believe the challenge and the effort is worth every tear, every tantrum, every release that aligns you with your greatest desire.

You are here because you matter and I see you.

#Livingbeyondthemask starts with H.E.A.R.T.

Hugs my friend.