Transforming "Broken" and Self-Doubt into Peace

It's 3:30 AM and I am awake.

Shit. I was going to take the hormone test today. Do I get up and pee on the card right now? This wasn't the plan. I was going to sleep a full night and wake up at a normal time and then pee on the card.

This body...

It is transforming from mother to crone, and I have no control over my monthly cycle, hence the hormone test and trying to schedule this test in between the work, baseball, the ideal date range for the test, eating the right things, drinking according to the test schedule...stress. I stress over this kind of stuff and then it takes over.

I am controlling my stress much better since taking back my life after corporate burnout and adrenal fatigue.

This early morning wake up turned into ruminating and looping in my mind about feeling broken. Things don't work out according to my plan. My body isn't cooperating. What am I doing with my life?

I get into this story of how I am confused and lost and just don't know what to do.

The downward spiral. Anyone relate?

After about an hour of doing this, I look at my phone and finally decide - no pee test this morning. On the verge of tears because of the mental pattern of self-doubt taking over.

Then I ask for help. Please spirit, help me shift this feeling, it doesn't feel good and it really isn't helpful to feel this way.

I pause to listen.

I am reminded that thoughts are not something to attach to. Feelings come and go and are not me. I decide I am not available to feel this way any longer. I am feeling it fully. Broken and self-doubt are feeling separation. Separation from truth.

I acknowledged the program that was running.

It is a program running in the background and looping over and over, like an operating system. I have the power to update the program (ctrl-alt-delete).

The fact is I am not broken. I am a whole human, and I am alive right now in this moment, which means I am valuable and worthy because I exist. Period end of story.

I am not broken and have the power to face this truth head on.

The process of dismantling and rebuilding a life that you love is messy sometimes. This is an example of the cleanup that is required. It's called disentangling from the past story because it no longer is a match for where I am going or who I am becoming.

What next? Listen.

I am moved to put on my headphones and listen to some music. My intuition tells me what to listen to.

I place my hand on my heart and my other hand on my belly.

Listen.

Breathe. I start to take big breaths in and let big breaths out. One after another, picking up the pace until I feel it is time. I hold at the top of my breath for as long as I can.

Then it happens. The shift. The body responds by moving and my mind responds by clearing out what was.

I release the breath.

I feel the peace restored in my body again. Transforming the feelings of broken and doubt into peace.

It is getting faster! This one only took an hour instead of sitting with it all day. I was able to drift off to sleep for a little longer.

We don't have to cling to the old story when it no longer is serving us. We have the power to rewrite the story and to shift the energy around it.

Break the pattern.

Just Write: What has been a story that is no longer true for you and ready to be rewritten?