Quiet Leadership

Contemplating leadership in my own experience.

I've been coming to terms with what stepping into leadership looks like for my own self.

It's been a long road for me. I knew it wasn't something to hurry, yet I have been impatient.

Astrology says I am here to lead and lead others.

Experience says otherwise, or at least that was how it was interpreted. It took me 15 years to get my first supervisory position when I worked in the corporate world. And then when I took the position, I was trying to do it differently than the status quo and I burnt out and ran away after 2.5 years.

Very rarely did I ever get feedback that I was doing a good job. Actually, I got feedback that I was causing issues because of the changes that were needed to shift the organization. I was asking hard questions and people didn't like having to respond to them, because it made them look a certain way...insert Ego.

The leadership I felt most aligned with was the kind that hangs out behind the scenes. The one that support others through their journey of personal development and breakthrough.

I am your biggest fan when we get to do this together.

But here is what happens, people see the flashy charisma. The sexy shiny people that are outgoing and friendly and put on a good show. I was never that. Instead, I focused on the foundational things - the dirty, unsexy aspects that get in the way. This isn't what gets the kudos, the bonuses, or the promotions. It actually put me in places that were very difficult to maneuver. The backhanded compliment if you will.

I took on challenges, put structure in place, and then watched as people rebelled against it. I walked away defeated, worn out and exhausted. It didn't matter how much I listened or tried to solve their problems for them. I still felt the sting of rejection and being left out on the windy street corner all alone.

Why am I even sharing this right now?

Because I am facing the challenge of trying again. Stepping out and leading isn't sexy. It isn't easy. It isn't something that you can read a book about and become an instant expert at.

It's time to rewrite this story.

Instead, I will call it gathering wisdom. My perfectionism gets in the way of the truth and divinity of the experience.

How about instead of failing and making mistakes, I was experimenting with what works and what doesn't work?

Perhaps organizations are just like people. Organizations won't change until people are willing to face the dark and the ugly. The people in the organization can't and won't face the dark and the ugly if it isn't safe to do so. It isn't safe to do so until leaders are able to hold the safety to hold the conversations and then act to make changes. Oh, and the leaders won't be capable of holding that safety until they can do it internally for their own dark and ugly.

That is what I was learning! Until we as leaders can hold our own shadows, we won't have the capacity to hold others in a way that provides a safe environment to explore, transmute and release the dark and ugly, healing the wounds and stop perpetuating the violence they cause.

That's right! Healing.

We have all heard "Good Vibes Only." I don't subscribe to that philosophy. You see that to me is bypassing the real real.

You will only get true transformational change when you can hold it, walk through the fire, and come out the other side a different person.

You go first, which allows other to see that:

• the challenge is worth the effort

• it's messy and it's okay

• there is wisdom, beauty and strength on the other side

• that you aren't afraid to roll up your sleeves and get dirty too

• the process provides value so trust it

This is where I shine. The Behind-The-Scenes leader. The one that isn't afraid to roll up the sleeves and get dirty. The one who understands the uncertainty and confusion of the process and trusting that it brings gold to those who stick it out. The one who brings compassion to the dark and the ugly. The one who calls it out and accepts what is. Because awareness allows choice.

I have walked through the fire of transformation. I have spent time in the shadow and sitting with the dark and the ugly. Then when I understand what it has to share with me, I clear it out. I transmute the energy or return it back to source, letting it go.

Is it easy?

NO.

Or you would be doing this work.

Leadership isn't all about flash. Leadership is standing in your own shit and facing it with compassion and love to heal the wounds and clean it up.

Leading self is at the heart and foundation of leading others.

Until you can connect with the truth of who you are in your own version of leadership, you won't be effective.

I said it.

You won't be effective if you are trying to be something you are not.

Living Beyond The Mask starts with H.E.A.R.T.